October 7th, 2007

scotland, ivy

From October 7 Les Semaines

I'm still feeling somewhat fragile and am having trouble even thinking about writing right now. There was a big article in both local papers yesterday about the State's Labor and Industries Office's findings about the murder in my office last April. The Seattle Times article put the blame specifically on her supervisor, which makes me furious. The Seattle PI seems to understand the situation better.

But all this brings last spring's emotions back so strongly I'm not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I tell myself to just suck it up but it's harder than I would ever have thought. I'm sure all my friends and readers are sick of it. I'm sick of it. I keep wondering if this is just how it's going to be from now on. Kind of like when you've had a particular pain for a while and you wonder if this is just life from here on out.

But it's not all bad. Had a lovely dinner with friends last night. I've been loving the stormy weather. The kittens are still a delight and Sophia hasn't peed on me or anywhere else (that we know of and we did use a black light to check around) for over two weeks! Go anti-anxiety drugs! She still terrorizes the kittens periodically, though, and I really, really wish she wouldn't, but I know it's not that she's doing it to be mean. I just have a really, truly, forever unhappy cat.

My Mom phoned this evening to wish me an early happy birthday. We were talking during the sunset, and kept exclaiming about the golden light suffusing everything. Mom saw apricot, but we only got bruise-purples and pinks after the gold. So funny having a conversation where we kept interjecting comments about the current colours. "Apricot!"

Tomorrow I turn 49 for the first time. I'm not sure how many times I will continue to do so. This will likely be the only time, but you never know.