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13 May 2009 @ 10:08 pm
Les Semaines May 10, 2009: Something Like A Journal Entry (Belated)  
Happy Birthday, Mom! Happy Mother's Day! It's my mother's birthday. She's 81. This cannot be possible.

[Clearly, I meant to post this Sunday.]

I still somewhat disbelieve that I'm 50. I know I am, but it's not quite in the realm of the possible. Except, apparently, I am so old that I need a machine to help me breathe when I sleep.

So I now have this machine. I hate it with a pure and passionate hatred. You see, it's supposed to make me feel better. The morning after I first used this machine I was supposed to wake up skipping and jumping, my life transformed by the first good sleep I'd had in years. Except that didn't happen. Instead I felt oppressed all night and woke up many times, battered by the machine. Thus my nights have continued.

Now I start the machine, read for a while, fall asleep, wake up, DO NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO TEAR OFF THE MASK, fall asleep, wake up, rinse repeat until I can't stand it anymore and tear off the mask so I can sleep.

Maybe, someday, I'll get used to it. (HA!) In the meantime, the machine and I have a running battle, and I'm having more broken nights than I ever did (apparently, before the machine, I used to wake up multiple times a night, but I never noticed and I wasn't tired in the morning and now I am).

Though I did get one piece of helpful advice from my sleep doctor--now I take melatonin two hours before I should do to bed and I actually do! I get sleepy at a reasonable hour. Like magic.

Now if only I could sleep through a night.

Breeeeaaaaaaathing...breathing the fallout in out in out in out in...

Up with melatonin! Down with the sleep machine!


For a repeat of this yakyak, plus my recent listening, reading, and writing news, see Les Semaines.
Ada Milenkovic Brown: Ada McGrath of The Pianoaccordingto_ada on May 14th, 2009 12:52 pm (UTC)
50? Pah, you are a mere child.

What a Kafka-Harlan Ellison-esque nightmare you describe. I'm so sorry about your travails with the sleep machine! The symbolism alone of you not wanting to wear the mask is poignant.

Is there an online support group perhaps with tips on getting used to the machine?
Neile Grahamneile on May 14th, 2009 04:44 pm (UTC)
I have several friends and acquaintances who have these machines. They seem common now, which surprises me.

Anyway, they all say it takes some time to get used to the machine. I've only had it about 10 days.

Last night I kept the mask on until 3:15!

I should give myself points for each hour I manage to keep it on.
Amy Sissonamysisson on May 14th, 2009 02:00 pm (UTC)
Sorry you are having such trouble!

I have dreams last night that I could have sworn were MSG-induced -- they were exactly that type of dream for me -- but I looked over everything I'd eaten and checked ingredients, and there was no MSG. Sigh....

Is melatonin prescription or available over the counter?
Neile Grahamneile on May 14th, 2009 04:47 pm (UTC)
It's available at health food stores. My doctor said 3 mg. I've been taking 2.5, which works just fine for me.

He also said the fresher, the better. Really in-the-know places supposedly keep it refrigerated, but I've yet to see any place that much in the know.
Ada Milenkovic Brown: Piglet's present to Eeyoreaccordingto_ada on May 14th, 2009 05:25 pm (UTC)
Oh, and happy birthday to your mom. The Young Count's birthday is Fri, and the Young Countess's Sat, when she turns 21.
A.kaiweilau on May 15th, 2009 01:28 am (UTC)
Happy birthday!