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31 August 2009 @ 12:31 am
Les Semaines August 30, 2009: Last Moments of Freedom  
So Tuesday I go back to work. I really like my job, don't get me wrong. I know how fortunate I am to have it, to like the people I work with and admire the work they do so much. They're all people who are trying to understand, create, preserve, and improve buildings, neighbourhoods, parks, and cities--basically to make the world around us better and sustainable. It can be really exciting and inspiring.

But damn, every year it hurts to have to return to the day-to-day discipline and give up having my life revolve around my writing and my whims. Giving up those magic moments when my time is my own.

All week I felt the time ticking away.

I spent a lot of time writing. Far too much time wasting time. I worked on The Ectophiles' Guide to Good Music. I scrubbed the bathtub, the stove grills and top, got almost all the old stains of our kitchen counter, sent out another batch of poetry CDs, worked on so many things in my study that now it's an utter pigsty.

We've been picking blueberries and tomatoes and apples and pears from our yard. Oh, and I finally harvested two bags of lavender, which are drying in the kitchen and living room and at first smelled too strong, but it's calming down now.

We also finally bought a new mattress. Which meant we had to go shopping. Which is why it took us about a year to finally talk about having to do it enough to get ourselves into a store. And now we can hardly wait for it to be delivered. We kept our old set way beyond its useful lifetime--we bought it back in 1988 when we moved to Ontario. It has moved with us five times. I'm hoping the new mattress will help us sleep better. Make us younger. All that.

Everyone should read this great feminist essay: This terrible bargain we have reluctantly struck. Reading it I kept thinking how true it is, and how just slightly reconfigured it could also be talking about race. Or ablism. Or GLBT issues. Or classism. But I read this and kept thinking yes. Oh, yes.

And now, to celebrate my last night, I am about to Stay Up Late And Party (meaning, go eat some chocolate and read a novel). And tomorrow I will Sleep In! in other words, eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow night it's get to bed in time to get up for work time again.

For my listening, reading, and writing news, see Les Semaines.
akashiverakashiver on August 31st, 2009 02:20 pm (UTC)
Thanks for posting the essay - and good luck with work!
Phoebeph_unbalanced on September 1st, 2009 02:33 am (UTC)
Good luck with work; Katherine is starting the new semester tomorrow, so we're dealing with this too.

That essay is very good, and I almost posted about it a couple of weeks ago. It ended up being an extremely painful read for me, from what is probably an unusual direction.

What being trans means is that instinctively, I have always felt like I should be relating to women as a woman, but of course women would never interact with me that way, they would respond with the fear and mistrust that she talks about in the essay. The hardest part for me was that since I had completely repressed the transness, I couldn't explain -- even to myself -- why their reactions felt so harsh and cut so deeply. It hurt less as I got older and knew what to expect, but college and my early twenties were really really bad.

In the end, I transitioned because of this social dysphoria, rather than from the (present, but for me lesser) body dysphoria. This essay was really good for me because it let me see the actual mechanism going on, and reminded me that I don't have to keep expecting to be shunned. Which I still always do expect, of course.

Enjoy the chocolate, and the novel!