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11 October 2009 @ 09:01 pm
Les Semaines October 11, 2009: Into October  
Clear light. Changing leaves. Wind. October is one of my favourite months. Especially one like this, when the rainy part hasn't quite hit yet and there's lots of sun and gorgeous sunsets. It's cool but not cold.

Events of note: I have now been in this (evolving) job for twenty years. That's *20* years, folks! I started it, half-time, running one certificate program, twenty years ago. Now I have two plus a doctoral program and I'm at 64.5% time (25 hours a week). I'm still a little astonished about it--my record before this was, I think, 16 *months* in one job. Second event: birthday. Which was fun. I have some fine friends. Third event: see novel news below.

If only I could kick this *warning: danger ahead* high-anxiety mode I've been in. I just get myself calmed down and something will happen to put my brain on *alert* mode again and I've got to talk myself down, which isn't so easy. If it weren't for this, life would be sweet. I finally finished paring the novel down. I've been working on poems. The weather is gorgeous, I've had some good times with friends, took a day off with Jim to putter around and run errands. Had a lemon poppyseed cheesecakes made by Jim's hands, and...my backbrain is still saying *warning: incoming doom*. Therre's no real reason. Sure, I'm busy, but when not? I don't understand why I'm in this mode. Just am.



For quick notes on my listening, reading, and writing, see Les Semaines.

Stephanie Burgis: vienna fairystephanieburgis on October 12th, 2009 10:30 am (UTC)
Oh, I'm so sorry. I know that high-anxiety mode all too well, and it's so yucky - especially when you KNOW it isn't even rational (but that doesn't make it go away). I hope you feel better soon. *hugs*
Neile Grahamneile on October 12th, 2009 09:41 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Steph. While I've had it before, it has never lasted this long.
akashiverakashiver on October 12th, 2009 01:09 pm (UTC)
I hate the hyped up "worrying-but-I've-got-nothing-to-worry-about" mode too. At least when you're in it you know it's in your head, though, as opposed to when you really do have a stress object to chew on.

Ah, to be on the West Coast right now. It sounds gorgeous.
Neile Grahamneile on October 12th, 2009 09:43 pm (UTC)
Ha! My husband is now mad at me, because the day after I posted about how lovely the weather has been it turned gray. Gray and windy. (But no rain yet.)
Ada Milenkovic Brownaccordingto_ada on October 12th, 2009 04:21 pm (UTC)
Paranoid angst for no reason? Wow, you sure we're not related?
Neile Grahamneile on October 12th, 2009 09:44 pm (UTC)
I'm glad to know it's not just me. And I like your term for it. I've always just called it the Incoming Dooms.
Oktober_Ghost: mikoian_did_itoktober_ghost on October 12th, 2009 08:15 pm (UTC)
Hope the Mellow Fairy (in the form of your choice) pays you a visit soon. I hate that just ain't right feeling.

Twenty years in one job? That sounds amazing to me. My max time at a job was my last one--and I was there a mere three years. Way to rock it.
Neile Grahamneile on October 12th, 2009 09:46 pm (UTC)
I'm kind of cheating: it really helps that it's part-time 10 months a year, which gives me time to do something totally different like help run the Clarion West workshop every summer AND rest up after!
Phoebeph_unbalanced on October 12th, 2009 08:47 pm (UTC)
Congratulations on 20 years. That's pretty darn cool.

And high-anxiety for no reason. That one I know far too well.
Neile Grahamneile on October 12th, 2009 09:48 pm (UTC)
I've decided it's my body's way of fending off the many viruses going around. Anxiety like a fever to burn off bugs.